i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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