We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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