I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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