After last night, I could never be a politician.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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