I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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