Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
