i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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