i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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