I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
420 ftw
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
