he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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