What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
