well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
