I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
