a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you inspire me to be a worse person
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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