Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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