he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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