So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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