If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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