It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
