if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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