I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
