And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
