How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
