Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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