im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
