Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
