god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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