I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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