i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
