that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
