So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
