remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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