My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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