dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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