I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
