I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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