im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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