I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
