hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
