just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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