i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
