Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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