I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
