dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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