Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
