i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
