You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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