I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
