so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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