I could make wine with my vomit
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
