My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
